Totally Poison Ivy. At least, it will be if I top it off with the fuschia “Glamour Wig” (pounds 12.50) I spotted at the fancy-dress hire place Stagestruck? on Spitalfields Market cheap superhero costumes. I wonder if I can stand to wear a Catsuit all night, and what about the flaming orange eyebrows? Suppose I’ll just have to improvise with Blu-Tack and car paint.
“Have Costume spiderman had much experience with rubber?” asks the sales assistant, holding up a bottle of Johnson’s Baby Powder. I try and hide from her in the changing room but the curtains don’t seem to meet properly. Help! “Take all your spiderman costumes clothes off and sprinkle this on your bum and tum for the dress and then inside the foot of the stocking and everything will roll on nicely,” she advises. It does (but I still keep my pants on).
“You’ll have to come out and have a look at the Spider costume; the mirror’s out here,” she says. I look like a frog although I get appreciative stares from an OAP couple over by the exotic lingerie section. Miss Broderie Anglaise fetches me a pair of “unique homemade shoes” (pounds 45) which happen to be very Alexander McQueen in that they are spider man costume seriously pointy and have vertiginous spike heels. I get handy advice on how to care for rubber, which is a) wash in baby shampoo; b) drip dry; c) use Mr Sheen for a high shine (apparently the bright pink potpourri one is best).
